How does fighting with your partner actually change your biology?
The way you communicate with your partner could impact how your body functions.
The following written content by Tasha Seiter MS, MFTC
When you’re in a tiff with your partner, you probably aren’t thinking about how you’re changing the concentration of your body’s hormones for years to come. Recent evidence suggests that the way you fight with your partner could potentially do just that: create long-lasting changes to your biology.
How Chronic Stress Leads to Physical Problems
You may have heard about cortisol, the stress hormone released from our bodies when our “fight or flight” response is activated. One interesting thing about cortisol is that it’s not only released when we’re under threat. Cortisol is actually released every day, throughout the day, according to a biological rhythm. When our physiological stress systems are healthy, we release more cortisol in the morning (think of a “get up and go” response) and it tapers off throughout the day until its lowest level at night (allowing us to snooze when it’s appropriate to).
But, when we’re chronically stressed, we might not have the same “get up and go” cortisol response. And our cortisol levels might stay high even into the night, keeping us wired even when we don’t want to be. (Ever been lying in bed at night, just waiting for sleep to come?) These cortisol patterns are an indicator of how well our stress systems are functioning day-to-day.
How Couples Can Help Each Other Manage Stress
The way you communicate with your partner could also be a culprit. In a 2019 study conducted by my colleagues and I, published in Family Relations, 62 couples provided saliva samples throughout two days to study their cortisol rhythms. They also came into the lab and completed an interesting task: they talked about their biggest relationship issues in front of a camera.
Analyses of our data suggested that when men used more positive communication behaviors (think physical affection, humor, and support) and less negative communication behaviors (think defensiveness, withdrawal, and physical aggression), both they and their partners displayed healthier cortisol patterns. In contrast, less positivity in relation to negativity was associated with rhythms of cortisol release that suggested a malfunctioning stress system. Read more from Psychology Today
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