Sibling Rivalry Can Be Tricky — But Here’s How Experts Suggest Keeping It to a Minimum-bringing peace to your house.
THE FOLLOWING WRITTEN CONTENT BY MARISA LASCALA
Sibling relationships are one of the earliest and most long-lasting relationships we have — but just try to explain that to a 7-year-old and a 5-year-old both intent on playing with the same thing at the same time.
While these types of family fights are headaches for parents, studies show that sibling rivalry can actually be beneficial, teaching kids skills such as negotiating, compromising and resolving conflicts.
That doesn’t mean sibling squabbles are only beneficial. The same study notes, “If sibling rivalry continues into adulthood, there will be risks to financial competition, relationships and care, where the competition can replace competition to get parental attention that occurs early in life.”
So, how can parents ensure they get the benefits of early conflict resolution, but preserve their children’s relationships — all while maintaining a harmonious household? (Ha!) There are some things that parents can do to manage sibling rivalry.
The main causes of sibling rivalry are about what kids see as fairness.
Your kids strive for equal treatment. “Three things are typically at the root of most sibling rivalry: kids feeling they’re getting unequal amounts of attention, degrees of responsiveness and severity of discipline,” says Donna Housman, Ed.D., founder and CEO of the Housman Institute. If they feel like one child is being singled out for special attention, or if their punishments are harsher than their brother or sister’s, expect conflicts to arise.
But while kids expect to get their fair share, they don’t want to be treated as carbon copies of each other, either. “All children want to feel special and unique, and while they’re developing their sense of individuality, they want to be recognized by their parents as not just interchangeable siblings,” Dr. Housman adds. “Most siblings experience some degree of jealousy or competition. How parents handle this reality is the key to how deep and long the rivalry runs.”
There is no magic age gap that decreases sibling rivalry — and no specific age when it disappears.
You may have heard parents offer the “conventional wisdom” that kids born too close together will be extra competitive with each other, or that kids born too far apart will be subject to the wrath of an oldest who is too used to being an only child. Read more from Good Housekeeping.
